How are you?

this post,im dedicating to someone.
(i know you know is you)

How are you??
im scared to reply you in FB.
what can i do just read what you post on FB,
and think whether is it related to me?
you seem so moody.
i want to know what happened to you,
yet im affraid that i might make you feel uncomfortable if i still so care about you,
dont want to see you sad..
try to avoid you,not to sms you so often..
i think thats what i should do..
hope that you wont angry with me,
hmm..i just dont know what i should do.
haih....

Is this what i want?

Im happy..Things jus happened like what i expected.
=D
But,i dint expect that in the same time,i lose a friend..
hmm.i really what i should do so i can get what i hope but not hurting the another one.
aihs.

im happy,and..im getting more greedy.
but,i promised..i will slowly let go of him..
when i read Li Kee's blog,
Goshh,that feeling comes to me again.
i have to learn how to get use to it.
smile..yean teng smile..

slowly get onto the track of life

i slowly used to my life,staying at Damansara with Christine.Everyday wake up at 7.30 to clean up and preparing myself to Segi.Drive every morning,park my red kenari at the same place,walking up the same staircases,turn the same door knob to open the door.Checkout my FB,read JingYee and LiKee's blog.Checkout latest news in FB.Hang out for lunch with the same gang of people.Everyday thinking the same question:"what to eat?where to go?".And now,once a week..i will meet up with him.
BingXiong asked me:"how can i maintain this kind of relationship with him?"
I said:"I dont know.I just know that now we can maintain at this stage of relationship and eventhough not going any furthur,im satisfied and happy.Thats what i want and i wont be greedy."
And i asked Jason the same question BingXiong asked me.
He said if both party can bear with that kind relationship,it can last very long.
I've to admit that i cant get rid of his caring.The way he whisper to me,really make my heart melt and i feel like..can i just give myself a rest,for not being independant,at the moment??..haha,i bet everyone shocked when see both of us stick together,feed me with food,comfort me by touching my head when im slping..However,both of us very clear that we are not couple,we are just friends.Is better for us to stay like this,we will be more happy,and i dont have to cry every night,anymore.
So..yeah,yeanteng.Don't regret,for being stupid.=D

i'm glad

what i have now,might not be exactly what im craving.But,i feel so lucky to have it.My friends...
Su Li
although you are younger than me,but we can be such a good and close friend in two months,its not easy.I'm glad to have you as my very close girl friend.XD..aww.
Keng Boon
thanks for planning a great birthday lunch for me.At first when i knew you,i have bad impression on you,but now..you are in my friend list already.bbf!
Elson
thanks for celebrating my birthday with me,right on 14th of nov.i'm glad that you always listen to me,understand me..give me advice.be with me.i do appreciated.everything..thanks alot!
Bing Xiong
Gor,i know you always clear with what you should do,dont always put the blame on your own.Do what you should do now.endless support from me!from everyone of us.I'm always proud that i have you as my gor!
Darren
dont lose weight anymore,health is more important than anything.=D.cant wait for 8month to pass.i miss you so much!!
Jason
Something happened between you and me.i dont crave for more,i hope this relationship can just stay..i love the way you whisper to me. and your shoulder+chest.
Jia Le
you know why i want to scold you,its for your own good.i cares you just like the others.i know you know.=D
Christine
i feel so comfortable to have some pillow talks with you,off the light..we shall just talk until both of us fall asleep.

is this the way i want it to be?

had a very great birthday celebration with Jason,Jiale,BingXiong,Aaron,Kokhoe,Jayvin,LiFen at Tao.I dont know why,i just feel like sitting beside him.He is stilll very caring.I like to look at him.
IF....that incident dint happen,this might be the second times he celebrating my birthday for me.He gave me a dolphin necklace as my present.After dinner,Jiale,Jason and BingXiong went back with me,we took our sweet time,chatting with each other,lecturing JiaLe..and in between that,some chemistry happened in between me and him.He touched my head,pampering me like he used to be.Im happy,yet im worried.He help me wear the necklace on.Now,i dont feel like taking it off.Then,around 3,everyone felt so tired and Jia Le started to fell asleep.Three of us,start our stories time.BingXiong started to telling things going on between him and JingYee.Then Jason's turn.He told us about the girls he had a crush on after me.Then,around 5,they asked me to take a nap because 2 hr later i have to start preparing to go for placement already.He asked me to sleep on his tummy,which BingXiong always wanted to.I dint think twice,i slept on it.I smiled.But i found that my head is too heavy,he cant breath properly.So he ask me to sleep on his chest.T.T....My long lost comfortable chest.Sobs...........After a while,he went out.Then,i couldn't sleep at all.I keep asking myself,what happen to me?this shouldnt happened again.This shouldnt happened again!I used so much hardwork to wipe him off my brain,not to care about him anymore,not to think about him anymore.We are just friends.Sigh,we are just friends.YeanTeng,stop pushing yourself towards fire.Why you know its hurt and you still trying it again?ARRRGHHH...cried without reason,im not sad,im not happy..i dont know why.

i moved to Carmila,
today is the fifth day..
=D.
i manage to drive properly and calm.
from the flat to Segi,to Sunway Giza.....

lols,nobody dare to sit inside my car.
seriously,the way i drive is so dangerous.
mwhaha..
thats why,my car got scratched.
T.T.

haha,swt swt...
just for a few days,im close with those guards at my flat.
i just have to wave and smile with them,
i dont need pass in order to go in.=D...
lols.although i already bought the pass.

life is fun over there,had supper with christine at mamak late in the night.
share and gossip.until both of us fall aslp..its was 2'clock in the morning.
=D.
everything is fine over there,just a little bit warm and bored.

I really got no idea...

i finally know,
being the head for planning an activity,
or a research,
the one who gona lead the others..
is not easy.

i took over the job to find room nearby SEGi,
i found one room with just RM260,
however,my going-to-be roommate is not satisfied with the room,
i described what i saw on the last friday.
from her expression,
i knew she's not happy with that.

i shouldn't pay deposite before she have a look with the room right??
i thought i had considered everything she wants..
cheap,
no agreement..

i dint find room on my own,
i actually ask my dad to help me for that,
he called his friends and ask about room..
he take some free time to have a look for the room,
he came all the way to damansara,
he wasted almost 4 hrs time,
he should be working by that working.

today,
i described about the room with christine,
from her expression,i knew that she's not satisfied with that.
the room wasn't very bad actually,
quite big,but not big enough to put one cupboard,one bed,one study table,one book rack...thats only one ppl's stuff.
ahhhhh..free parking slot.
near to Giant and carrefour,
near to Sunway Giza.
no need sign any agreement,
one month living coast not more than 300.
haih...
i dont know why.
i dont know why....

nevermind,
this friday will ask her go and have a look with the room first.
haih....

Psychology test

found this super accurate pyschology test,
that's me.

Your Existing Situation
"Creative and emotional, looking for ways to further expand those qualities. Looking for a partner who enjoys the same activities. Seeking adventure and new and unusual activities."

Your Stress Sources
"Has high standards and wants to make friends with those who have equally high standards; however, she has been unsuccessful in building these types of relationships. she is feeling under appreciated and her self-esteem is damaged because of it. she is uncomfortable with the situation and wishes to escape, but refuses to make compromises or lower her standards. Puts off resolving her problems because she afraid of the conflicts it may cause. In order to feel secure, she needs to feel appreciated by others so they will do what she asks of them and respect her opinions"

Your Restrained Characteristics
Current events leave her feeling forced into compromise in order to avoid being cut off from affection or future cooperation."Emotionally withdrawn, feels forced to make compromises which makes emotional attachments difficult.""Although she is able to find contentment through sexual activity, she feels hopeless to change her problems and difficulties and continues to make the best of what she has.""Struggles to make her demands clear, but feels ignored. Feels resentful, but acts as if she doesn't care, doing what is necessary to keep peace.""Emotionally withdrawn, feels forced to make compromises which makes emotional attachments difficult."

Your Desired Objective
Very active imagination and may be prone to fantasies and daydreaming. Always dreaming of interesting and exciting things to happen to her. Is a charmer and wants to be admired for that.

Your Actual Problem
"Feeling tension and stress brought on by situations which are out of her control, leaves her feeling helpless, anxious, and in adequate. In order to build her self-esteem back up, she looks to others for recognition, respect, and encouragement. This can be a problem since she tends to blame others for her shortcomings. Searching for solutions that are geared toward her needs and self-consciousness."

Your Actual Problem #2
"Feeling unimportant in this current situation, and is looking for different conditions where she will be able to better prove her worth and importance."

to try out on your own,
click here

part of my life

"Dont try to bully Ms.A...She's very nice lecturer"
nobody likes her.
She's a mad lecturer i ever met.
everybody is waiting for a chance to complain about her.

today,
Su Li,Jia Le,and me went Giant..
we ate J.co donut,and we played basketball at arcade.
haha,as what Su Li said,i've never hang out with friends at supermarket.
ngeks.=D.but we still have fun.

Elson,
we are getting closer.
wont be any improvement on our relationship,
because now is not the time yet.
=D.need time to recover.
need time to prove that im deserve to be loved.
need time to assure me whether my feeling is right or not.

ahhh.put more afford on study la,ishhh.
=O="..think so much for what?
which is the next restaurant i will be visiting?nice food!

miserable day.

"dont try to abuse me!"
OMG.
im mad with what she said to me.
abuse?
im just asking a question which a student might want to know.
am i abusing her?
GOSH.
(sei fei poh.....!!!!!)

today,
actually planned to go for badminton with friends.
but..
the court is full with chairs,and i wonder how can we switch on the aircond..
so,we changed our plan.
we went to gym,Su Li and I..the most sporting one.
tried with the running track machine.
(i dont know what's the name for that machine actually.)..
after running for 10 mins,
we left gym room.

=.=''
probably i sweat and stay in air-cond room,
i got flu now..
and probably because i got sinus.
if i sneeze too many times,
i get flu easily..
O.O..whatever la,conclusion is,im having flu now..
and i know its hard to recover if i dint take drugs for nose sensitive.
pills again!!...........

Another outing with classmate

today morning,
i finally know why Leonard said that our lecturer,Ms Audrey is very.....
GOSHH..
i finally know why!!!

She screamed!
She sing lady gaga's song while she is teaching.
She dont allow student to go washroom after she gave us a short break,
"Hey,i just gave you a break,why you want go now?"
=.=''...
my god...
What it is an acid?because it is an acid!!!!!
thats what i learned in two hours lectures.
My friends and I cant stop "sweating"..
She's really a weird lecturer.!

after that,we actually planned to play badminton.
but it doesn't goes on as what we planned.
we ended up watching movie at 1utama.
we watched Legend of the Fist.
Very nice,pity and violent.
i cried!omg...
closed my ears most of the time..
haha...

so tired!=D
but i like it.i can sleep soundly..
without thinking things that bothering me these days.

I'm pretending.

ahhh..struggling again.
i'm pretending that i'm a boy,
keep on showing that im boyish.
yet,cant refuse that i still like people care about me,
listen to my stories.
even my dad said i walk like a boy.
=.=''..
i dont know why,
seem like everything in the past start to appear in my mind again.
im afraid!
i keep remind myself not to think again,
not to step close to LOVE again.
get rid of it.

yean teng,you swear..
you will keep telling yourself that,
you can live on your own,
dont have to depend on anyone else.
everything you have now,its enough.
cheer.thats you.
you have to keep on smiling.
dont let anyone affect your mood easily.
you still have friends around you.

ya,i do..have friends around me.
who can give me the right feeling?
just a few.
and they might not always free and always available for me.
i'm not a kid!
*knock knock.

wake up!!!!*slap!

Room room room.=.=''
how to find?so annoying.
feel like driving to school everyday.if i know how to drive.
want find room also hard!
aihs.who can help me?!??!??!!!?!

A wonderful date.

Nothing much happened in class today.
normal lecture,normal day dreaming..

Since class ended quite early today,
and Elson got class until 12.30 only..
so i planned to meet him up at pavilion to claim for my Snowflakes.
=D
is quite weird to hang out with a guy.only.
but nevermind la,
hang out with people whom i can really share things with,worth it.

i wait him at Pasar Seni until 1.45,
then we headed to SgWang.walked to pavilion.
both of us get wet because that time got heavy rain.
O.O.
*cold......
luckily,we arrived pavilion on the right time,
we get to watch Legend of the Guardians.3D!!!
i blame myself for have flat nose.
glasses keep on falling and i have to hold it with hands.
but i enjoyed the movie.
then,we went foodcourt for our lunch/dinner.
he bought a choco cream puff for me.
he knew that i love choco.!
(thats way he can be one of the people that i like to share my things with)
He even treat me Snowflakes.
we shared one bowl of peanut tou fu fa.
ahhh...
*dont so fast find girlfriend.=O=''

im happy,he is not shy at all..
to hang out with a girl.
THIS IS WHAT A FRIEND SHOULD BE.

another enjoyable day for me.

i surrender!
i dont have the skills,i dont know how to find infromation from forum.
guys,you have to take over the job to find for room to rent.

everyone asked me,
you and jia le,couple??
i will show this emotion /(=O=)"/
"Ha??!!!NO LA!"
how come everyone were asking this question?
do we look like couple?
haha....impossible.one thin like stick.one plump like meat ball.

today,
i suggested to have lunch somewhere else,probably sunway giza?
majorly chose to have lunch at McD,
so....yeah,15 of us.
we flood McD!
(they earn alot from us too.>O<)

after that,we went back Segi for Chemistry test.
how is it?
*laugh......
i just finished a-level few months ago,
yet...i cant really squeeze answer out from my brain.
seems like im getting older and older.
alamak!!!
how am i going to remember drugs' name?
Goshhh,where can i find external hard disk for human brain?

And i'm regret,
for suggesting my senior to be my english teacher.
=.=''...i never take such long time for just one short sentences.
backspacing..retype..there's still something wrong with the sentences.OMG!
free trainning.why not??

On friday,Jia le plan to book badminton court!!!
yes yes exercise.
who wants to join?

Lets introduce my senior to you all,
Leonard Tan Chang Yi,
he's the senior whom as siao as me.
"he swear alot..."
thats the description i get from seniors..
throughout the days,ehemmm..
he dint swear alot actually,probably because infront of a girl?
nevermind,time will show how's he actually.
Seriously,i do enjoy when chatting with him.
(thanks Ben for giving me that piece of yellow colour paper)

congratz yean teng!

i'm so happy today.
yean teng,you done a great job.
everything just smooth and wonderful today.
you started to mix well with your friends.
remember,
stay as who you are now,dont have to change yourself for people.
=D..you're just nice.

Gah,praising myself~
i did enjoy my day.
smiling and laughing.*thats the way i charge my energy bar.
now very energetic dy!!fuyohhhh.

im glad that i have senior who as siao as me!
enjoy my life in segi.but not enjoy studying yet.
oh my gosh.
have to go study,tomorrow got test!
*pray pray.

i'm lost.Who i am?

im facing a big big problem now.
the problem is,i dont know what's my problem.
need find someone to knock my head.
assure me that is ok for me to stay like who i am now.
=.=''
i found that i cant get along with people well now.
i dont know why.....
the way i talk?
my personality???
aaahhh..i dont know..
i scare i scare...

i dont like people hate me,
i want to get along well with my new friends too,
but..there are some weird feelings in my heart.
need help need help.

and i feel that im different from most of my classmates.
they all look so slim and small size.
i look huge when i stand in between them.
ahhh..i just feel that my personality is different from them.
wuuuuuu..

slowly la yean teng.
you will use to it,you will catch the beat.
knock knock.nobody hate you la...
REALLY???????

Tomorrow will be my great day!

Today papa and mama purposely accompany me to SEGi,
to help me settle my school fees.
they still sick,yet....because im their children.

i wonder,do I look weird with my hairstyle?
or something wrong with me.
i wonder what kind of eyesight they actually mean.
You look ugly?
You look weird?
You look so childish?
Your hair colour look so old?
You dark circles is terrible?
You got huge eyebegs?

Wuu...
tomorrow no more yeanteng's stail.
no short pants.
no slippers.
=.=''
thats a hard mission for me.
365 days long pants?!
wuuuuuuuu....

today i met this new girl who going to study same course with me.
Her name,Joey.
Counsellor said that she is a smart student oh..
O=O!
so fast got enemy dy?
haha.nvm...
i will do my best in my studies...
try my best to get into top 5!!!

i got smart gor gors.
being their sis,cannot be so lousy too.
*gambateh fei mui zai!!

bad news.mummy was suspected that having denggi too.
T.T

Start to stand on my own feet

I resigned on 16th.
i received a present from Elson.
D.I.Y pop up card and fragrance bear to hang on back mirror in my car.
Green angpau from Kak too.

There is a promoter at the next door likes me.
but,one of the malay staff help me by shouting that i coupled with Elson.
=O=...thats not true,its just a lie to keep that promoter away from me,
because he annoyed me,keep on peep-ing me...
Thank god,i can enjoy my last working day.

the next day,i went Times square.
first mission,help my ex-shop take Audit Roll from Times Square BG outlet.
second mission,cut my frindge to cover up my big face.
(i claim that my face bigger cause i smile alot,muscle grow on my face.)
i bought two clothes too....
then,i went back Jusco Maluri to pass them the Audit Roll.
Guess what,
i got more presents from them!!!!
i get one tin of fried popiah with kacang dal powder.
one backpack which original price is RM139.90.
one new T-shirt which cost RM69.90 before discount.
aaaaaa.....so happy.
ofcause,i still grabbed a chance to have lunch with Elson.

on 18th,
i took my last chance to meet up with BX.
i went to Taman Jaya,BX picked me up.
but i dint know he going back to school,
and im with my "yean teng stail"..short pants and tshirt.
for sure kena block lo...
BX gave up his last volleyball training,
then we went to mamak to fill up our tummy...

after that,BX drop his car at his mum's school.
so scary,i need to withstand the guard's scary eyesight again..
"SHE IS STARING AT MY LEG!"
haha.
we took monorail to Sungei Wang.
i accompany BX go Lowyat buy hp.
have alot of funny and happy time with BX.

oh ya,daddy got denggi and he stayin in hospital now.
at home,i have to cook for my siblings.
because mummy having fever too because she's exhausted.

tommorrow,
Darren is leaving KL,he is off to Russia.
both gor leaving KL dy lu.
nobody will always available for me when im emo.
is hard for use to gather in msn and boom-ing each other dy.
i will miss Darren's choco for sure.
i will miss BX touching my head when he laughing at me for my silly-ness.
i will miss Darren calling himself gor when chatting with me.
i will miss BX argue with me.
aihs..
daddy sick already,mummy also fall sick.
i need to cook and clean up the house.
wednesday i will face a new environment.
im going to start fighting in studies again.

*take a breath
YEAN TENG!!!!!JIA YOU!

im awake.

yesterday night,
im mad again,just because Bx got typo in the msg he replied me.
today,
BX ask how to go the place im working at,
i thought he just asking,maybe when he drop by,he can visit me.

Around 3,BX appear....
=.=''..suprised,yet i still feel like saying him stupid.
come all the way to visit me.
-touched-
i asked bx go walk around first,wait me break then have dinner together.

then,i talk to Elson.
telling him thats the one i mention with him.
Elson lecture me,
telling me many facts and he wake me up.
actually,i should blame myself..for causing problems.
i shouldn't involve in their relationship problem.
because being outsider,i can just only give my opinion.
and..im reminded that im over the border of brother-sister relationship.
over caring.over depend on BX.
Elson told me that..
if my bf had a very close god sis,will you be happy and not jealous?
if you know ur bf will also be there for his god sis when she is down,you wont angry?
if your bf's god sis come and talk with you,showing how much she understand ur bf than you,can you accept it?
And now,i understand..if im Bx's gf,i will mad like her too.
maybe,im the one who should make a step back.
maybe,im always wrong..thought that others will think the way i think.

gah,so from now on...
i wont mad with anyone.
especially my gor.
he suffered."sandwich" between me and her.
from now on,i will be a very understanding god sis for him.=D
sayang both my god brother much much!!!
/(^*^)/

New Starting

Start a new blog again.
not going to continue my previous blog,
because since i started a new life,
why not i dump everything in the past?

gah,no bf in this coming years.
but doesn't means that i cant adore any guys.
=D.
i adore my gors.and a friend who keep cheer me up.
not to mention the names,because..
they will know themselves are being highlighted in my adore list.
mwahaha!

my first Gor.
this guy is tall,and macho(for now gua)....
he bought me choco,the first time is on valentine's day 2009.
he wrote a letter for me,although i forget where i stuck.
he became my gor recently..(actually for a long time already)
and i never regret to have him as my gor,
he's learning how to comfort me when im in bad mood,
he's learning listen to me when im telling him story,
he is being a good listener to me.
good improvement.*thumb up!

my second Gor.
this guy thin like stick.
he always make me cried.
but he is gd in bringing me into good mood again.
he always comfort me in a soft voices.
but..too bad..we getting futher and apart.
=(.
haih.i dont know whats going on.

a friend.
primary friend who studying next door.
start to recognize him after working with him one week.
feel so good to have him accompany all these days when working.
=D
cheer me up when im down.
catch flies to make me smile.

i'm glad to have them.
guide my through the dark.
i will smile.

bacause i love my smiles..now!